creativity, pt.2

I’ve been thinking through this whole, you know, creativity thing…a lot of thoughts.  I don’t think I’m going to try to keep this coherent…it’s just going to be a lot of verbal spitting.  I think that God makes some people creative, and others more creative.  I think the only ones of us who are not creative are those that don’t care to be.  I think that if/when you are the creative type you exude creativity on some level…you don’t have the option.  It comes out of you, even when you try to repress it in the mundane.  When a creative person finds themselves unable to be creative, for whatever internal or external reason, you will see them become frustrated, angry, depressed.  So I think there’s maybe three kinds of people, now that I think of it…those that aren’t really creative and don’t really care, those that are creative and struggle with expression, and those that are creative and express, whether they want to or not, whether they can make a living through expression or not, whether people ask them to or not, whether anyone ever cares or not.  The first group is ignorant to the blessing and the curse…and sometimes ignorance is truly bliss.  (I’m not using the word ignorant in a derogatory way here.)  The third group is what it is and doesn’t try to be anything but what it is.  There is hardship, certainly, but the mandate to express overpowers the roadblocks.  I believe I am in the second group, and I think this group has it the hardest.  This isn’t a pity party…I’m trying to think through this.  I am a creative person, but I think that sometimes my creativity is old news, is plain…I am viewing it as someone else might, through the eyes of a potential consumer of my creativity.  By consumer, I mean viewer, listener, beholder and/or purchaser.  I’m not creating because I must (as the third group does) but because I have the capability, enjoy doing so, and very much want to be known, even if just by myself, as a creative person.  Those in the third group are oftentimes conscious of the consumer, but would go on creating regardless of the consumer’s interest.  Those in the second group always have the consumer in mind, even when they very much wish to be free of the consumer’s perceived presence.  If I make music, will others like it?  Will it be something that someone else might be interested in?  If I make visual art the same questions pop into my head.  Sometimes I wish I could either not care if I was creative or not be able to control the urge.  The hindered, self-conscious, overly critical middle ground is a difficult place to call home.  So, I guess the big question is this…as I believe one who is creative can never ditch their creativity, can someone in the second group graduate into group one?  I don’t think writing the hit song, “making it”, and not having to work a traditional job necessarily means graduation in this case.  I mean can a person lose the self in the process and become overwhelmed by the art they have been called to produce?

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